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Microsoft skips 'too good' Windows 9, jumps to Windows 10

Deeming Windows 9 'too good to release,' Microsoft execs shelve follow-up to Windows 8 and proceed to Windows 10

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If you've been looking forward to Windows 9, the OS that will fix what Windows 8 got wrong, you're in for a surprise: There will be no Windows 9. Instead, Microsoft announced it will proceed directly to Windows 10.

"The Windows 9 internal beta was a phenomenal success," said Microsoft PR rep Cheryl Tunt. "I mean, it blew Windows 8 out of the water, and as we all know, Windows 8 is nigh flawless. After discussion at the C level, Microsoft has decided it will not mess with success and will leave Windows 9 exactly as it is. As such, work is now getting under way on Windows 10, which should see a public release."

[ Windows 8 is here, and InfoWorld can help you get ready with the Windows 8 Deep Dive PDF special report, which explains Microsoft's bold new direction for Windows, the new Metro interface for tablet and desktop apps, the transition from Windows 7, and more. | Stay abreast of key Microsoft technologies in our Technology: Microsoft newsletter. ]

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Details about Windows 9 are sketchy, but according to internal Microsoft communications obtained by InfoWorld, the OS was fast, intuitive, bug-free, and equally adept with both the Windows Desktop and Metro-style interfaces. "And who would've thought to put the Start button there?!? Genius!" marveled one engineer, though it's unclear where "there" is exactly.

Another engineer likened the OS to the Nintendo Entertainment System's Power Glove accessory, saying, "It's that good a melding of man and machine."

One email chain riffed extensively on how Windows 9 is like the sitcom "Seinfeld" in that it's "about nothing," but also because "there was that one episode where Kramer got the deli meat slicer, and he said he had cut slices of meat so thin, he couldn't even see them. Well, Windows 9 is so transparent, you won't even know it's there. Hell, I'm not even sure I used it!"

"Hey guys, if all this is true, then we can't release this [OS] to the public," one HR manager who had been CC'd on the emails declared. "We have to keep this internal and advertise it as a perk. You know: 'Come work for Microsoft, and you get to use Windows 9!'"

The decision to jump to Windows 10 was announced during an all-company meeting by Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, who took the stage in front of a banner reading "Mission Accomplished."

"You guys who make Windows are the backbone of this company!" an exuberant Ballmer claimed. "You've really outdone yourselves here. This is exactly the kind of perfection so synonymous with the Microsoft brand that we can't see fit to have it exist anywhere but within Microsoft. It's simply too good to be released. Now, onward with Windows 10! By the way, this meeting counts as your lunch break."

There was at least one beta tester who wasn't quite so dazzled. "Yeah, I tried out Windows 9," he told InfoWorld on condition of anonymity. "I dunno ... it's pretty good, I guess. It's not at all what they're talking about, though -- the engineers might be delirious from lack of sleep. I'm pretty sure the real reason we aren't going to sell it is because it's actually OS X."

Please note: This is an April Fools' joke.

This story, "Microsoft skips 'too good' Windows 9, jumps to Windows 10," was originally published at Follow the latest developments in April Fools' Day at For the latest developments in business technology news, follow on Twitter.

Read more about microsoft windows in InfoWorld's Microsoft Windows Channel.


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WorthSayingAgain said: Apple have a huge amount of control over developers manufacturers and customers Thats how they make their money Its a kind of usually benign dictatorship

mb said: I didnt say you couldnt install it

Jon Donnelly said: Id like to try OSX but apple dont make a pc I want to buyApple sell OSX but dont allow you to install on non-apple hardwareMake a deal with Intel Apple and do a OSXHaswell CPU bundleThen pc enthusiasts like me might make the switch The mac mini is lameLinux Wine can provide some of my needs but wine is an ugly solution as its not a supported platform for many commercial appsThat leaves Windows 7 and possibly 81 as my only viable option

Jon Donnelly said: The grants set forth in this License do not permit you to and you agree not to install use or run the Apple Software on any non-Apple-branded computer or to enable others to do soI can buy it but I cant install on non apple

mb said: you can buy it legally

Jon Donnelly said: Im so glad VB is pish I wish I could just buy OSX legally and build a hackintosh If apple did a deal with Intel so that they bundled an intel mainboard Haswell i5i7 Intel SSD and OSX together locked to that platform enthusiasts would love it

WorthSayingAgain said: I love my mac I fought with Windows and VB for twenty years It drove me mental Ive got a mac and xcode now theres no money in itbut I am sooooooo happy

Geoff Robbins said: Its relatively simple - go into shop ask if theyll provide a discount for either an OS-less machine or leaving them with written confirmation that you do not accept the OEM EULA and if they refuse go elsewhere Ive done it it worksIts actually a bad deal for the shop as they get subsidies from all the MS crapware thats installed eg the shop doesnt buy MS licences theyre paid to pass them on but many will still discount to make the hardware sale8 years exclusively on Linux myself 8 years worth of a breath of fresh air

Simon said: Its an April fools joke knobhead

Jon Donnelly said: The only mac suitable to my needs was the old mac pro the new one is looks like one of those office ash trays

WorthSayingAgain said: Guys get a mac

John said: lol just noticed the date on the article

John said: 7 Win8 pcs I call THAT user error

John said: I smell typical MS hype flavoured bullshit

itzman said: I spoke to a PC dealer No of copies windows 7 sold in June 280 No of copies of windows 8 sold in June 6

Steven said: 7th Windows 8 PC already WTF dude do you eat computers Is Windows 8 that bad Or you just talking shit

Terimadipudi said: I only use BSD or Linux and have been doing so for at least 10 years the problem I have as you seemed to have missed the point is why are we forced to pay for a windows licence when we buy a PC or a laptop it should be a choice should it not and who the hell do I write to if I want my money back for the windows unused but paid for windows licence you get me sparky

john said: This just isnt true - mac os x Ubuntu free and excellent not to mention other linuxs which are so well founded now mostly all software required is available o not to mention Googles own operating system which is pretty damm good If you want it its there - its just you that doesnt go looking for it Undoubtadly would prefer to be a microsoft user though- but they make it hard to love them - like a dirty prostitute

Ian Blackburn said: the activator only infuriates legitimate users I had a real version of windows 8 that refused to activate for no reason so in the end i downloaded a pirated version of windows 8 with built in self activator and it runs flawlessly

Steve said: Rubbish I changed my motherboard and cpu which required the need to reactivate The activation then failed and the only way to solve this was to speak to them directly I have to admit that their phone number for activation refused to work so I had to find a live chat system what a nightmare Theres no way I could tell you where it is on their website as I think I was lucky to find itAt no point in this failed activation you have an illegal copy did I ever lose any data all that happens is that at random intervals the screen will go blue and after 5 seconds you have to press activate to try againThis is my 7th PC with Windows 8 Pro only one isnt an upgrade from XP Vista or 7 and theyve had no problems like yours User error

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